00:00:00.120 - 00:00:11.520

Yay, thanks again. Uh, so just as a reminder, this is totally voluntary, um, you can skip any questions, take the conversation in a different direction, replace questions, stop the interview at any

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time, take as much time as you need, go at your own pace, and thank you again on behalf of the project [Of course] for the opportunity to hear your story. Okay, question one.

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Tell me a little bit about yourself. You can use your name if you want. Um, your major, if you have a minor pronouns, age, and something funny or interesting about you. [Okay]

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So my name is Nare Tendjoukian. I am a sophomore here at LMU and I'm 19 years old. I'm turning 20 in July.

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And I'm an English major, a Chinese minor, and a classics and archaeology minor. And let's see. Feel like a fun fact about myself would be that

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I'm obsessed with cats. Do you have a cat? I don't because my parents don't want pets, but the first thing that I'm going to do once I get

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my own place is looking into adopting one. Very cute. Um, you are an English major, a Chinese minor, and a classics minor? [Yeah]

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Wow. Tell me about these choices. Um, so I've known that I wanted to go to English ever since like elementary school.

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And then in middle school, I started taking Chinese as like the extra language like I guess, and I got really into it and I didn't want to waste everything that I learned, so I just like restarted learning it

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here at LMU. So I'm hoping by the time I graduate, I can, you know, have conversations with people who speak Mandarin and not feel, you know.

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Nervous or tense or anything. And then classics, that's like my newest edition, I guess. I took my first classics course this semester and my professor was like, um, you know, doing a classics minor

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is really easy, just four classes and most of them are aligned with like the course that we have to take. So, I thought that that would be a nice addition

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and I'm interested in it, so. I just decided to make it into a minor. That's great. Um, and you said your birthday is in July, so

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I have to ask, when? [Uh 25th of July] Mine is July 24th. [Really?] We are birthday buds. That's awesome. [We are birthday buds, yeah] That makes me happy. Leos, well, that makes sense of your cat obsession. Okay, I get it all now.

00:02:45.490 - 00:02:55.540

Um, okay, so the next question is, what is your relationship to LMU? So I already know you're a sophomore and you're a student, but maybe you could talk also a little bit

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about um how else you're involved on campus and um our students uh wanted to know like how you came to LMU, so like your journey getting here. Um, so.

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Other than just being a student, I work at the library in the Acquisitions and Collection Development section. So, I started out with just like sending emails to professors asking them to like donate their works, and now

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I'm actually working with the books themselves, so I'm really happy with how far I've come, and I'm actually gonna right after this, I have an extra shift to go to before I leave to go back home.

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And then how I came to LMU. Um, so I was looking at schools and in LA because my best friend in high school told me that she wanted to live here, and so I was like,

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Okay, I need to like make plans to like somehow get to LA and like know the place a little bit better, um. So we were, I was looking at, I was looking

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at here and then I was also looking at UCLA because I've heard that they also have a really good English program, but um. My reasoning was like there-- I feel like I'd be I would have been happy in

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both. um U-- UCLA would have been much cheaper to go [[laughs]] to and um, but here it's like much smaller and I feel like I would have been more comfortable and

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in the end, when I didn't get into UCLA but I got into here and my parents were like. You know, we've kind of like, kind of planned for you to go here anyways because they felt like I

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would have been much more comfortable because they know that I don't do well in like large classes and situations where, you know, there's like a lot of people involved. So yeah, in the end they're like, I think this

00:04:48.850 - 00:04:58.680

is the best place for you to go. That's great. So did you move here from-- from outside LA? Yeah, I live in the Bay Area, [Oh, okay] not too far,

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but-- Yeah, I'm happy that um during the vacations, I could just like take the plane to go back home. It's really quick and easy, so yeah, I'm happy that

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I'm here. And did your best friend end up in LA? Um, so she, she is studying abroad in France, but she says, she still says that she'd want to come

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live here at some point, but I mean she loves San Francisco and LA, so like at some point, I am expecting her to come back, but I can always go and visit her too.

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Um, that's really great. I like that. Uh, I hope she ends up here, but also France is not a bad place to be.

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Um, and then you said that you are actually handling the collections now in the library. So what does that look like? So my favorite activity-- if there is a work thing to do in the library is checking

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in the periodicals that we get. So like going downstairs into the mailroom. And then getting them and then just taking, you know, using my whole shift to like unbox them, unwrap them,

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and like looking at them, they're brand new and then I add them to um the repository, and then I print out a little piece of paper where I write down the volume and the issue number and then I

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put in a little strip of metal that's called like the title tape so that people don't like steal the books. And then I just put them out onto the stacks.

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It's just, I don't know, I just love like handling like new materials. [Mhm] Yeah, [I mean--] that's my favorite thing to do. You're like an archaeologist, like a reverse archaeologist, [Yeah] right?

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That's great. Um, okay. So, how would you describe yourself in relation to disability? Um, so, I feel like this could be a long

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story. Great, I'm here for it. So as a kid, I feel like I knew that there was a little something off, but

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funnily enough, usually I'd always think that there was something off with other people and not me, like I was the normal one, the normal one, and then everyone else was just, you know, just--

00:07:04.630 - 00:07:17.320

I guess off, I don't know, I don't wanna, there isn't really any other word I can use to describe them and then. Um. By, I think by middle school, high school, I

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realized that I was having a lot of problems with anxiety. So, and at this point, a lot of people were telling me, hey, maybe you should go see a therapist

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for it. Like it seems like your anxiety is pretty bad, but I didn't do anything about it. In my head, I was just like, like, who needs

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that? Like, I don't need that. This is fine, this is normal, which is crazy because now I'm just like, I can't believe I was, you

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know, living like that without any support. And in the end, I realized that wasn't normal. Like I needed a little bit more support. And then as a kid, I also, I felt like

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when it comes to like. I guess all like the common disabilities that I've heard of. I was like the one that I aligned the most

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with would have been OCD with um constantly worrying that something bad is gonna happen, um, not leaving something not perfect because you're worried that something might happen because of that, like just such a minor thing like I love

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collecting little figurines and toys and if I accidentally topple one of them, if I don't put it back immediately, I'm just like, uh oh, something's gonna happen because I didn't fix that.

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And that's one of the things that I've been working with my therapist with, with just like, just leave it, like it's okay. It's just a little figurine, it's not gonna change anything.

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So I've gotten better at just like reading them. And then this year, actually, before um working on this with my therapist, one of the things that I would do was when I accidentally toppled one over, I'd have

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to like pick it up and kiss it and put it back. And so we started with like just not kissing them and then now, If one of them falls over, I

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can leave it for like one or two hours, and then I remember it. I'm like, oh, okay, you know, now I can just put it back like it's fine.

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Nothing bad happened because of it. And so I feel like as a kid I knew that. I would have had OCD and my dad also like

00:09:04.540 - 00:09:12.500

presents a lot of OCD symptoms. He'll just come into my room and start like cleaning and putting stuff away and I'm just like, it's okay, like this is my room, you know, I'm fine with

00:09:12.500 - 00:09:29.290

it, like you don't have to worry about that. Um, and then last semester is when I officially got diagnosed with like having anxiety disorders, OCD and autism, which was the big one, which I had no idea about.

00:09:29.600 - 00:09:43.660

Um, well, actually. Um, in the beginning, before coming to college, I remember. Um, we went to this like Bay-- Bay Area, uh, future LMU students meetup thing, and after that my parents

00:09:43.660 - 00:09:57.740

told me that I was just acting really weird with the other students and the parents and the people who had come from LMU, and they were like, you know, you answer so slowly, you don't answer like correctly, like

00:09:57.740 - 00:10:11.700

there's something wrong, and I'm just like, oh, okay, let me look into it and I couldn't find much at first and then I stumbled upon autism and I was like, wait, this can't be right like this entire time.

00:10:12.470 - 00:10:23.650

I didn't think that, you know, I have any relation to autism. Like, I don't-- I didn't think about it at all, you know, until I, like, researched it and I dove

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down this like rabbit hole about, you know, all these people who had like so many similar experiences and I started crying because I was like, this is so relatable, this is it.

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And so, the one of the first things I did, uh, at the start of, not this semester, last semester, the beginning of this school year was to um, get a therapist at SPS and then she referred me to,

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um, she like, she had like a list of a bunch of like different psychologists that I could go, psychiatrists that I could go see. And so I found one and thankfully they accepted, you

00:10:56.650 - 00:11:09.460

know, my health insurance, so that was great and then-- With him, we were able to figure out that I was indeed autistic, and so that was like a really big change, and I feel like now I feel like

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I have a much better relationship with myself than before cause I don't beat myself up for making small mistakes or for just, you know, being weird because it's okay. I'm not.

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I feel like I'm not gonna, I'm not acting. Just, I don't wanna say normal, but I'm not forcing myself to act in a way where other people will be comfortable.

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I'm just trying to make sure that I'm comfortable. So I'm at that point now. I'm just like, you know, figuring stuff out and just trying to be comfortable with myself.

00:11:47.320 - 00:11:59.900

Yeah, that's great. Um, have you, so I have a couple of follow-ups, which is, have you, um, connected with the autism community? Um, either on LMU's campus or outside the campus?

00:12:00.100 - 00:12:13.990

I ended up making friends with one person who was autistic, and she was in-- We were in the same classes both last semester and this semester, and I remember we became friends because one

00:12:13.990 - 00:12:25.330

time we, we actually bonded on disliking the same student. We just thought we just didn't like him. We thought he was just, I don't know, like, we just didn't like him.

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And um because one time in class, we were discussing a, it was in one of my English classes, English literature classes, and we're talking about a character who did not like

00:12:36.300 - 00:12:45.410

being touched and that student was like, oh, he's clearly autistic because he doesn't like touch and like, you know, being close to people. And then my autistic friend was like, that's not true.

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And she grabbed, um, the arm of one of her other friends and she was like, I'm autistic, and I look for touch. And I was like, wow, like she's kind of like

00:12:55.340 - 00:13:00.830

me because I've, I feel like I've got in trouble for like hugging people too much. Like a lot of my friends have been like, just stop.

00:13:00.930 - 00:13:11.240

Like if you're too touchy and I'm just like, how, how am I supposed to show like my love for you? And a few of my friendships have like, unfortunately like

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just kind of collapsed because of that. And so when I found that someone else who was like me was also like, you know, not like anti-touch. I was just like, wow, like I have to be

00:13:21.280 - 00:13:36.200

friends with her and I told her this through like-- like typed message cause we were um we were in a like a workshop group together in that class going over our short stories and um she had written about

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a character who was also autistic, so I wrote her a little message on my computer and I showed it to her during the workshop and she read it and then-- and then um the the-- this semester we were

00:13:48.260 - 00:13:57.860

in the same class again and we just became friends because we were both autistic, so yeah, I feel like she's, I think she's like the only person that I've met.

00:13:58.870 - 00:14:13.750

Who is like, like me, so yeah, we've gotten really close over this semester. How has um-- How do you experience your diagnoses and you just-- do

00:14:13.750 - 00:14:25.190

you describe yourself as having disabilities or what's the language that you use cause I want to use that too. Yeah, I feel like I do, yeah, [Okay] I describe myself with having a disability because sometimes at the beginning I

00:14:25.190 - 00:14:34.510

felt bad for using it because I was like, well, a lot of people have it much worse than me, but I always, I need to think and tell myself like this isn't like.

00:14:35.700 - 00:14:44.490

You know, uh, this isn't like having nothing either. Like there is, I do struggle with a lot of things. One of my big struggles is that I cannot drive.

00:14:44.540 - 00:14:49.870

I've tried it. Um, I had my permit for a bit, but then I just let it expire. I never got my license.

00:14:49.950 - 00:15:01.310

It's just way too stressful for me and I keep on getting my lefts and rights confused, and I keep on getting the pedals confused. I feel like I don't know where things are when

00:15:01.310 - 00:15:14.720

I'm in a car, so it's really hard for me to like figure out where I'm going and It was just too difficult for me, so I have to revert to like using Ubers and public transport and depending on

00:15:14.720 - 00:15:26.710

my parents and friends to go to places, um. But other than that, um. Living with people is really difficult for me. Um, so when it comes to like.

00:15:27.660 - 00:15:39.720

You know, finally being diagnosed with autism. After I told my roommates, I felt like some of them were a lot kinder to me and others were just like still treating me like someone who's, you know,

00:15:39.880 - 00:15:49.780

not disabled. And so, one of my roommates um had ADHD and so we kind of like bonded over like liking the same things and just having the same sense of humor,

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and we became really close through that. And then she was my flatmate, and then my actual roommate, I feel like. She started like demanding a lot more from me, and

00:16:01.140 - 00:16:17.720

I feel like she forgets that. I, I'm disabled, like she just like, when I forget things, she gets upset and when I'm uncomfortable with things, she's just like doesn't understand it and then on other

00:16:17.720 - 00:16:25.450

occasions. I feel like sometimes she'll speak to me in a tone where like I kind of perceive it as a threat.

00:16:25.530 - 00:16:35.970

So I remember this one time I let her take a shower before me because I was focused on some school work and when she came out, she said something along the lines of like, hey, it's your turn to

00:16:35.970 - 00:16:44.780

take a shower now. And the way she said it upset me because it felt kind of like a threat. And so, instead of answering her with words, one of

00:16:44.780 - 00:16:56.610

the things I do is I like to meow a lot like a cat because I love cats so much and I just like keep on, that's like one of the ways that I'll communicate if I don't want to

00:16:56.900 - 00:17:06.450

actually say words. So I meow or I squeaked at her and she kept on repeating. You know, that statement and she just wasn't realizing that

00:17:06.450 - 00:17:20.520

I was trying to communicate with her nonverbally, I guess, like without-- without words, and that upset me a lot because she was pushing me to get out of my comfort zone and to make it more comfortable for her.

00:17:21.010 - 00:17:30.880

And so I've been having a lot more difficulties with, I guess, living with people who just don't understand. So next year I'm happy that I'll be in a single.

00:17:31.210 - 00:17:41.320

I will be living with I think four other people, just two doubles, and then I'll just be in my single, so I'm just happy that I'll have my space at least.

00:17:42.370 - 00:17:49.210

Is that housing, was that a housing accommodation you were able to get? Was that through DSS? Yes. [Okay]

00:17:49.330 - 00:17:58.680

Yeah, I was able to contact them and I was really worried that I wasn't going to get housing on campus this year because not being able to drive would make it really hard for me to live

00:17:58.680 - 00:18:08.420

off campus, so I'm very grateful that I ended up getting, you know, anything. How has your relation, have you have, do you have a relationship with DSS outside of that?

00:18:08.500 - 00:18:23.090

How has that been with accommodations or? Um, I feel like that was my main worry. But I'm thinking of possibly for next semester to get in class accommodations, um.

00:18:23.800 - 00:18:37.870

I'm mainly worried about. Uh, taking notes in class, especially if the professor speaks very quickly, cause I had a, my, for my classics class this semester, my professor was a very fast lecturer,

00:18:37.920 - 00:18:46.460

so I feel like I was struggling to like keep up with it. And I did have and ended up having really good notes and I did well on the quizzes and the

00:18:46.460 - 00:18:58.700

exams, but um. And it, it actually helped me become like, I guess, a faster note writer because in my other classes, it almost felt like the professors were too slow, so I

00:18:58.700 - 00:19:10.250

was, but I was happy that I was able to just write everything out and not miss anything. Um, and then uh we were I was at the end for our last class with my classics professor, um,

00:19:10.260 - 00:19:19.000

he was like asking us like what he could do better, and I was just like, you know, hey, maybe like lecture a little slower. And then other students started saying things and they're in

00:19:19.000 - 00:19:28.300

the end they're like, okay, maybe, um, we could do some like. He was like saying like for my future classes I could like upload the slides, but have like a no

00:19:28.300 - 00:19:35.580

computers policy and I was like, no, that's not what I wanted. I'm happy with no slides. I just want like to be able to have access

00:19:35.580 - 00:19:47.860

to a computer and to get everything down and remember everything. And then other than then just having like trouble like concentrating in class, I um also have a hand problem.

00:19:47.940 - 00:19:57.060

I have a cyst in my right wrist that's been causing me pain but I'm actually uh scheduled to get it. I'm gonna get it removed next week, so that's coming

00:19:57.060 - 00:20:08.850

up really soon. Hopefully, I'll be able to use my hand normally, but um, having also like parts of my body that I am paid is also really hard for me, so I

00:20:08.850 - 00:20:19.240

was just like upset that like. Like, no, he's not gonna lecture slowly, he's just gonna make it so that the sites are online and just no computers, which is not what, what I needed.

00:20:19.280 - 00:20:26.800

So that's why I was, I don't think I might take another class with them even though I was planning to. I feel like that have been, it would be too

00:20:26.800 - 00:20:40.730

hard for me to keep up, yeah. And since, um, and since your diagnoses, and I guess you said you started sort of seeking um support and I think you said middle school or high school with

00:20:40.730 - 00:20:47.100

anxiety? Um, it has highschool. [Okay] So high school and then you got your clinical diagnoses last fall. [Yes]

00:20:47.970 - 00:20:59.440

Um, so how has that, has that impacted your family life or have you seen any changes? And those conversations. Um. My relationship with my family has gotten so much better.

00:20:59.690 - 00:21:10.600

And I'm really happy with that because in high school, it was just being stressed at school, being stressed at home because I felt like they just weren't understanding what was happening.

00:21:11.420 - 00:21:23.950

With my struggles with anxiety, I feel like it-- that started, so it started in high school, it started um, during COVID, like the second year of COVID, and mostly it was because, not only because of classes and

00:21:23.950 - 00:21:37.670

how exhausting they were, um, I feel like I was-- my relationship with my best friend that I talked about was not going well at all because it felt like she was almost like avoiding me and ignoring me, and

00:21:37.670 - 00:21:46.590

I just didn't understand what was happening and to this day, I have no idea what that like time, what happened during that time period. I'm just like confused as to like what led to

00:21:46.590 - 00:21:57.180

that. And I went to see the school psychologist for that, and she told me to try to look for a therapist, but I just like stopped there and I just

00:21:57.180 - 00:22:09.540

couldn't go forward and that's why I like this year I was like, I'm gonna make that a priority now that I'm used to college life. I'm just gonna start working on this now and-- Oh,

00:22:09.670 - 00:22:18.980

I remember. One day I was crying in my room because I was thought that my friend didn't like me and my brother, my brother walked in on me and he told

00:22:18.980 - 00:22:26.870

my parents and my parents, I don't want to say they got upset. I feel like my dad got upset. He does not like it when I cry and I--

00:22:27.520 - 00:22:37.790

I don't know why I, I, I don't know if it's like, you know, past experiences with that or trauma or anything, but whenever I start crying, he gets really mad at me and he's like, why are you crying?

00:22:37.860 - 00:22:49.150

Why are you crying? Stop crying! He hates it and I just, to, to this day, I feel like, I mean, I'm much happier now so I don't uh cry every day like I did in

00:22:49.150 - 00:22:54.340

high school. Like I cried like once or twice this semester for like. Really serious reasons.

00:22:54.670 - 00:23:07.100

Um, not that like crying for not serious reasons is bad, but just I feel like it's gotten so much better since high school. Um, so yeah, after my parents realized how upset I was,

00:23:07.180 - 00:23:12.350

I feel like they wanted to know more about it and that upset me. I was like, no, I don't want to talk to you about this.

00:23:12.430 - 00:23:22.610

I feel like I just want it to be between, you know, me and a professional and my friend, but I just couldn't. You know, I just didn't end up finding a therapist,

00:23:23.130 - 00:23:34.560

so. After that, I feel like. Uh, um, for my first year of college, I feel like I had a really bad relationship with my parents

00:23:34.560 - 00:23:46.470

and everything they try to call me. I was just like stone faced and tired and just didn't want to interact with them. And then this was right after.

00:23:47.240 - 00:23:56.760

Um, it was like the, the whole problem with like the meet up the Bay Area LMU kids and then telling you there was something wrong. It was like after that whole year after that was

00:23:56.760 - 00:24:11.900

just not great. But then this year, you know, I started focusing on getting the support that I needed and then. After all that, I feel like my mom's been so

00:24:11.900 - 00:24:21.130

nice to me. She's been so patient. And just I'm enjoying being in her company and spending time with her.

00:24:21.560 - 00:24:33.880

Um, my dad, I feel like it's also been a little bit better. And what's funny is that um I'm like 99% sure that he's also autistic like me.

00:24:33.920 - 00:24:47.050

I mean, he already, I already said that he struggled with OCD too, so like he's definitely where I got it from and um I feel like he just doesn't want to like, he, he, he says that he doesn't

00:24:47.050 - 00:24:56.920

need help, and I honestly don't think that he needs it cause he just like functions like, you know, he's just fine with it. Um, but I feel like sometimes he doesn't understand what

00:24:56.920 - 00:25:07.280

I'm going through, so my mom has to, you know, explain to him what's been going on, and then, but yeah, overall I feel like as of now it's been going really great with my family.

00:25:10.100 - 00:25:30.090

Um, do you feel like your gender or ethnicity has interacted with your disability, either experience or accommodation process or diagnosis process, or family process or any of that stuff? Um, I feel like being a girl did make it

00:25:30.090 - 00:25:39.050

harder. I feel like for me to get a diagnosis because I was talking to my-- When I first brought it up with my uh psychiatrist.

00:25:39.840 - 00:25:47.410

And I told him a couple of things and he's like, you know, that doesn't seem autistic to me, and I definitely really upset. I was like, oh, you're not seeing the full picture.

00:25:47.450 - 00:25:58.520

I feel like I've definitely heard a lot of people having trouble with that because that, of course, I feel like women display autistic traits differently than men do.

00:25:58.810 - 00:26:11.030

And so I was like really worried at first that, you know, I wasn't gonna end up getting a diagnosis for it and I'd have to like go look for like a different psychiatrist and spend more money, but I

00:26:11.030 - 00:26:21.290

feel like um, everything that I told my psychiatrist was like enough, and he was like in the end he was like, it's just funny that it's started by saying, no, I don't think so.

00:26:21.340 - 00:26:33.450

And then he's like, yeah, definitely go tell your parents now, um. Yeah, I feel like. I feel like other than gender, I feel like um

00:26:33.740 - 00:26:47.690

my background also like made it harder. Um we're Armenian and my parents grew up in, they were both born in Lebanon and they grew up there most of their lives and specifically during the civil war,

00:26:47.940 - 00:27:04.760

and so. They did not have the time to think about um disabilities or just like even like probably taking care of themselves, like side note, um, I feel like growing up

00:27:04.760 - 00:27:15.070

I had a lot of trouble taking care of my hair cause it's pretty curly. Um, my mom never learned how to do that and she just straightens her hair, so, um, it was hard

00:27:15.070 - 00:27:22.960

like telling her like, hey, I need help with this, like you're my mom. I feel like you would know how to, but she just never did and of course my, my dad always

00:27:22.960 - 00:27:33.700

had short hair, so he never. You wouldn't know either, so I feel like it's like another thing that I struggle with just like taking care of my hair and myself, um, but, but yeah, um,

00:27:33.950 - 00:27:42.950

how I feel like how my parents grew up, they would. I feel like they would not consider their daughter to be disabled, like they, it would just like out of

00:27:42.950 - 00:27:55.440

question and I remember when I first told them like, hey, I think something like after after them telling me that there's something, there could be something wrong with you. It it just felt weird but after I told them

00:27:55.440 - 00:28:04.030

they're like, no, I don't think so. Like you're fine, you don't need help or anything. And which is also interesting cause like I feel like my dad was the person who was like the most

00:28:04.030 - 00:28:15.090

like you you're like there's something wrong with you, and it's because he's like that too and that's his normal, so of course he'd see me as normal as well. And like even in his like family like I feel

00:28:15.090 - 00:28:27.840

like we both definitely get it from my grandfather, he's-- He's we're a lot alike, he loves collecting things as well, like we're just the same person, but with like different aesthetics, I guess, cause he's much older than me,

00:28:28.090 - 00:28:39.540

um. For my dad, like it was, you know, all normal, so he was like there's nothing wrong with you, but after, I feel like after getting my diagnosis, he was

00:28:39.540 - 00:28:49.180

like he came to terms with it and he was like, okay, yeah, this is serious. Um, but yeah, I feel like my parents growing up in a time of war in the Middle East made

00:28:49.180 - 00:28:59.750

it really difficult for me to like vocalize to them like, hey. I'm neurodivergent, I'm disabled and I need a little extra support, but it's all good now.

00:29:00.720 - 00:29:12.000

Yeah, um. So you, I appreciated hearing the story about the um autistic friend that you made. I wanted to ask um.

00:29:13.000 - 00:29:26.640

Do you, how do you feel like the, how do you feel like about LMU's disability climate? Yeah, um, I feel like I'm still very new to it, um.

00:29:28.380 - 00:29:40.180

When it comes to like professors, I feel like I've had a pretty good experiences with them, even with like them not knowing that I had a disability, they were just like every time I struggle with something they're like,

00:29:40.260 - 00:29:50.310

no, that's okay, take your time. I remember one time um I tell this story a lot to people and I call it, um, the toothpaste incident.

00:29:50.390 - 00:30:01.780

And so, this was last fall, uh, during, I think the autumn day weekend. My parents came over, we had dinner together and we went to Target and got some stuff for me.

00:30:02.110 - 00:30:13.380

And then at the end of the day, I realized I did not get the toothpaste that I wanted and it's a specific toothpaste that I like because um, it helps rebuild enamel, and my dentist have told me like,

00:30:13.400 - 00:30:20.260

you should look into toothpaste like that. And then it's also cruelty free, which is a big deal to me. And when I realized that we did not end up

00:30:20.260 - 00:30:30.540

getting the toothpaste, I got really, really upset because beforehand, my mom had told me that she would bring it for me, but she gave me all the other stuff that she brought, and I was like, yeah, I think

00:30:30.540 - 00:30:36.820

that's it. I don't think there's anything missing. But I realized much later that, oh, we just, we were at Target like a few seconds, not a few

00:30:36.820 - 00:30:45.020

seconds ago, a few hours ago, and we just didn't get in that upset me so much that I didn't go to bed until like 5 in the morning that day because I was so upset about it and I

00:30:45.020 - 00:30:55.740

was crying about it, but it's such a stupid thing. Like, it's just toothpaste is fine. Like I could just use another toothpaste until I go to Target again and get it, but I, I just

00:30:55.740 - 00:31:04.820

ended up taking an Uber the next day and going to that Target again and getting the toothpaste because I just couldn't handle not having it. And because of that, because of that, unfortunately, I wasn't

00:31:04.820 - 00:31:13.230

able to get all of my homework done. And I remember I came to, it was my English class. I came to class and I told my professor that,

00:31:13.560 - 00:31:20.970

hey, I had a little bit of an issue and I wasn't able to do-- to get my homework done, and I've been feeling a little uneasy all week, and he just looked at me, he said, just go home.

00:31:21.200 - 00:31:25.120

Like, it's fine, like, don't worry about it. I was like, but wait, no, I have to take my notes. It's okay.

00:31:25.200 - 00:31:32.590

I just want to be in class. I might not be able to like participate, but uh I just want to be here and just take my notes and to, you know, know what's happening.

00:31:33.000 - 00:31:40.870

So I feel like. Most of my professors without even knowing that, you know, I, I might just need a lot more support.

00:31:40.990 - 00:31:59.590

They're just like, they're fine with it, but um I've have also heard from other students with disabilities that um, who are, uh, that they've um had some bad interactions with professors, which is weird to

00:31:59.590 - 00:32:13.360

me because I don't know, maybe it's because I mask so well that their professors are like more have been wanting to help me out more, but it's just weird talking to students who've had the same professors

00:32:13.360 - 00:32:23.980

as me who have not had good experiences, so. There's just this like, you know, kind of like two face thing going on, I guess. I've had good experiences, but I feel like other students

00:32:23.980 - 00:32:39.250

haven't so. Do you feel like there's any disability culture at LMU? Um I think so. I feel like compared to my high school, everyone's like

00:32:39.250 - 00:32:49.370

a lot more open about what they struggle with and their disabilities to the point where like, I'll meet people, one of the first things they say is like, oh, I have ADHD, I have anxiety, like they just they're

00:32:49.370 - 00:33:02.710

really open about it, which and what I like is that when you, instead of like people being like taken aback they're like they're like nicer or like they're just like wanna interact with you more when you tell them

00:33:02.710 - 00:33:15.080

that um you have a disability of some sorts. So I definitely think that I do think that there is a culture because I feel like uh the the more friends like the friends that I'm making are also

00:33:15.170 - 00:33:26.110

also have um disabilities, so it's kind of like. Like, and then there'll be friends with other people that I know who have a disability, so this is this is like this like connection going on with like everybody

00:33:26.110 - 00:33:36.240

and I feel like we're all in the same circle, we just don't know it yet. So yeah, I definitely do think that there's some some sort of culture um civil culture um at LMU.

00:33:37.100 - 00:33:55.310

Is there anything you'd like like to see, like changes or, or yeah, anything. Um, I feel like um housing should do a better job with giving disabled students housing accommodations, because um I talked

00:33:55.310 - 00:34:10.060

about this with my autistic friend yesterday and she got, she's a senior and she got put into sophomore housing, um, but she isn't a single, but she would have preferred to be in an apartment because she's also getting

00:34:10.060 - 00:34:22.470

a cat, which I'm really excited about. Um. And we were talking about this and she told me that apparently, um, a group of 5 neuro-- neurotypical people

00:34:22.470 - 00:34:33.980

got um housing in Palm South, which is like the best apartment on campus, and she was telling me about it and she was like, there is a neurotypical who is going to have a single room right now.

00:34:34.270 - 00:34:47.030

And she was like, you know, I needed that, like, why are-- isn't housing taking that into account? Why are they giving-- we were both upset that they're prioritizing people without disabilities over people who do have them,

00:34:47.280 - 00:34:57.870

and so I feel like they-- there definitely has to be a change when it comes to that and just like, I don't know, give us more options and give us housing first, I guess, over the people, you know,

00:34:58.370 - 00:35:05.290

who don't necessarily need it. So I feel like that should be taken into account first. I feel like.

00:35:05.770 - 00:35:14.550

Housing is the most important issue to me at this point. Thanks. Um, so that's most of my questions.

00:35:14.700 - 00:35:26.380

So I wanted to ask, is there anything you wanted to add? Um, and then my students' final question is, what's the one thing that you hope, um, will be like the

00:35:26.380 - 00:35:39.180

takeaway from your interview or your story? Um, for future listeners. Yeah, I feel like one thing I'd like to add is just because someone doesn't look disabled doesn't mean that

00:35:39.180 - 00:35:47.780

they aren't. I feel like. I think too much about the way I look and that worries me.

00:35:47.820 - 00:35:59.370

I'm always worried about like, oh, I wonder what they're gonna think about me, um. I do mask heavily. So it comes to a shock to some people like,

00:35:59.450 - 00:36:13.140

oh, like I had no idea that you were disabled and you actually struggle with a lot of things. Um, I feel like. It would be nicer if everyone was just a little

00:36:13.140 - 00:36:21.890

more patient. I feel like I will benefit, not just me, but like everyone, um. Other than that, I feel like

00:36:23.380 - 00:36:37.210

growing up, I always try to like make myself as small as possible and just to like stay hidden and forgotten even, like in the eyes of my teachers and my peers, but now that I'm in

00:36:37.210 - 00:36:47.020

college, I've been like. I want to like experimenting a lot more about like how I'm presenting myself and how I wear and my favorite color is pink, so I'm I'm completely in pink

00:36:47.020 - 00:36:57.780

today and I feel like the pink has also helped with like people approaching me and being nicer to me, which is interesting. Um, so I feel like the pink helps with like

00:36:57.780 - 00:37:08.460

people coming to me and like just being nice to me and then It's funny cause like after I tell them that I have a disability.

00:37:08.540 - 00:37:19.370

They start out like nice and then they um, they start like wanting to protect me, which is really like comforting because as a kid I feel like it was just like me versus everyone else and I just had

00:37:19.370 - 00:37:33.130

to like fight for my place and, you know, in the school, in the classroom, wherever, so. It's-- so like my first point, I guess, is just like, just because someone doesn't look it, it doesn't mean that,

00:37:33.210 - 00:37:43.390

you know. That everything's completely fine and just like, you know, everything's going well in their lives and that they're, they have everything that they need and then.

00:37:44.300 - 00:38:04.060

Uh, I guess my second point would be that. I feel like trying to like, um, bring my insight out has somehow helped me just like just, you know, make friends and being noticed by my professors, and then

00:38:04.060 - 00:38:15.300

remembering me and just not having problems with like, they just like remember the interactions that they have had with me just because I made a choice of, you know, being pink and like liking the color and just making

00:38:15.300 - 00:38:24.700

it my outside. So, I feel like that also has something to do with. I think being autistic like just like wanting to.

00:38:25.610 - 00:38:36.130

Just I, I make a really big effort um of just surrounding myself with things that I really like. My room is almost entirely pink. I have all my little figurines and everything on my

00:38:36.130 - 00:38:48.430

desk, so like just they're like my friends and they help support me. I have all my stuffed animals on my bed and Um, another thing, I love my accessories so much.

00:38:48.520 - 00:39:00.340

I have like a little collection of those and I feel like they also like. I guess helps somehow with like my social life and just, you know, interacting with like students and professors and

00:39:00.340 - 00:39:07.700

everything. So yeah, I think that's it, it's really random, but I just wanted to add that, yeah. That's perfect.