Samir Fridhi oral history - January 27, 2023

What is your name? Uh, my name is Samir Fridhi. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet

you too. Um, what is your LMU affiliation? Uh, I am a mathematics and philosophy major here. Double major?

Yes, and a minor in computer science. Woah. Uh, yeah, I do a lot. Um, and, uh. Yeah, I've been at LMU.

I originally came to LMU in the fall of 2017, but I took a medical leave of absence for a year and then came back in fall of or spring of 2019, which was great timing.

Right? Yeah. I believe so. So, yeah, just a year after that, that's when Covid started. And then are you a senior this year?

I'm a senior now. I'm actually graduating this semester. Congratulations.

Thank you. Yes. And philosophy. Yeah And a minor in computer science. Yeah, that was that kind of built up along the

way. I started off as a math major, and then I took an intro to programing class, and I was like, yeah, I might as well add a minor in computer

science. I took ethics and then I added a minor in philosophy. And then I finished the minor last spring and I

was like, there's only four more classes. I don't really have any more classes to do in. Wow. Mathematics major, so I just added the philosophy major on. Wow. Top of it.

What's next? Are you. Um, I just finished applications to, uh, uh, to graduate school for a PhD in mathematics.

Amazing. Um, so I'm hoping those will come back with some positive answers. Yeah.

Um, this this semester is a particularly anxious one for me because, you know, it could be the greatest semester ever. Yeah. I could, you know, I like to not have any

expectations, but I know, like, at the high end, I could get acceptances from all of them and I could get rejections from all of them. So I'm kind of just in a state of limbo

right now. Yeah. Regarding that. Yeah. So. Fingers crossed for you. Yeah. Thank you.

Um, okay. You can interpret this any way you like. How do you describe yourself? Um, well, I, I, I would say I'm a fairly,

um, I think the first thing that comes to mind is being a fairly anxious person. Um, I do I've, I've suffered from anxiety basically all of my life.

Um, and I also, uh, when I was, you know, in my adolescence, I suffered from substance abuse and uh kind of had a a bit of a rough adolescence. Um, and then that, you know, that bled into college,

hence the medical leave of absence. Um, and as far as my disability goes, I don't know if there's this is too much information, but. Anything. Um, I uh suffered from bipolar II disorder.

Um, and that's that's what led to the medical leave of absence. Um, I was abusing substances, uh, mostly Xanax and and other hard drugs almost daily. Mhm.

Um, and despite that, actually got a fair bit of my coursework done before the university was like, hey, you might need to go figure some stuff out. Um, over

you know, the course of, like, between 13 and 20. Since that year, I'd been in and out of, uh, rehabilitation for, uh, substance abuse and, um, getting the diagnosis of, of bipolar II disorder was, I mean, on one

side, it was like, okay, now this feels like this defines me. Uh, I know it's a, uh, uh ADA, uh. Mhm. You know, uh, status disability.

And on the other hand, I was just glad to, like, put my finger on something so I knew how to work with it from then on out. Um, and so as far as uh that goes, I've, I've,

you know, cleaned myself up. Um, worked really hard to get from, you know, almost failing out of school to being where I am now Yeah. and applying to PhDs.

Um, and so, yeah, beyond just anxious and I guess, uh, suffering from bipolar, you know, I'm a compassionate, um, person. I, I really just love math and philosophy.

I barely do anything else. Uh, animals. I I have a dog at Covid puppy, actually. Oh. Um, at my apartment right now.

And, uh. Yeah, it's just that I guess that's a. Yeah. Well enough rounded picture. I could go deeper, but I'm not going to.

Whatever you want, however deep you want, however. Um, yeah. And, um, just as an aside, like, well, one. Congratulations.

I just met you, but. Thank you. Well done. Thank you. I appreciate. It’s huge. Yeah. Huge, um, and, uh, and you said

that once you kind of had the diagnostic framework that that really helped you, like, understand. Yeah. How to, like, where to go from here and how have you found that that's the case.

Yeah. So like, um, right after I got the diagnosis, I for about I I went into I I got the diagnosis and treatment. Mhm. Uh, in Massachusetts where I originally grew up.

And uh, after that, it was a bit of a struggle for about six months because I was kind of free floating. And. Mhm. I at that point had not learned, um, what

to do with my time besides using drugs. Mhm. Uh, and so I just kind of went on another rampage for about six months. Mhm. But then eventually I was like, you know, I, I just can't keep living this

way. I can't want to go back to school at the same time as suffering from a drug addiction. Mhm. Uh, so I spent the latter half of 2019, uh,

in rehabilitation for six months again. And that's when I finally, uh, kicked most of my drug addiction. Now, beyond that, I was still smoking weed, drinking. Mhm. Um,

once in a while, a hard drug would come up and I would choose to use it, but I don't know, something clicked in in that last bout of treatment where I was like, I don't, I like I, I,

I don't think I can fall into this anymore. Um, I just don't want it for myself. And despite using a drug here and there, my life had been progressively getting better in terms of my mental

health. So I didn't want to sacrifice that for just, you know, a synthetic kind of happiness. Yeah. And, uh, yeah, from there I just kind of took took

root. Now I, you know, I avoid I even avoid alcohol most of the time. Yeah. Just, I actually just quit smoking weed, but, um,

yeah. Like, I, I've been trying to, you know, keep that diagnosis, the framework in the back of my mind, Mhm. Um, and it was, it was pretty way back in the

beginning. And now it's more. At the forefront. And I can, you know, I can handle myself now.

Yeah. That's. Yeah. Again like, congratulations.

Thank you. It's amazing. Um, you said at the tail end of 2016. So you came or 2019.

Sorry. Yeah. So you came back to LMU in the spring of 2019.

And then did you go into treatment again in the fall? No. So and um, sorry, I, I should have, I, should

I. I mean. [ (in unison)] It's not even there. Yeah. I know. No I so 2017 I, I went into the the end of treatment, took my medical leave of absence.

It was the latter. Oh, gotcha. Half of 2018. Oh gotcha. That was my own mistake but. I see. Yeah.

No worries. And then I came back spring 2019. Yeah. And from there I was. Okay.

Just kind of continued on. Okay. So then that's I mean 2019, right? Yeah.

So you um, and is your family in Massachusetts or like the people that you live So. Around? Yeah. My, um, so my mom and my sister and

my extended family from that side of the family are all in Massachusetts. My I think right after. No, it must have been I I can't actually put my

finger on it. But, um, at some point between 2019 and 20, end of 2021, my parents, my my parents, my stepmom and my dad moved to Florida.

Okay. Um, and my dad's side of the family all lives in Tunisia. Mhm. Because that's where he's from. Um, and so, yeah, it's kind of a little bit

scattered. Mhm. But you know. So you came back. You came back to LA in the spring of 2019. Yeah. Came back to LMU.

And so you were living were you living on LMU's campus or an apartment nearby? And. I was actually, uh, living in a sober facility. Okay. In Venice Beach.

Gotcha. And, um, that was what LMU recommended, and, um, I hated it. Um, I'm not gonna lie.

It was, um, you know, I had just spent six months in a sober house. Yeah. And, I mean, a a month of that was in intensive, um, inpatient treatment, and then the rest of the other five months was in a

sober house in Dallas, Texas. Mhm. And doing an IOP. Mhm. Uh. with my therapist from uh the rehabilitation center. Yeah. Had been, uh, the second one I had been, uh, at that during the latter half

of that first month. So, um, you know, I, I just didn't I wanted to be back in, like, a community where I felt like.

And despite, you know, it's a college campus. Mhm. Obviously there's drugs, substances, alcohol, marijuana, all of that. But I was more just kind of, you know, I wanted to be back with my friends that I had

made in 2017. And, um, I, I just didn't feel like it was right to stay in the sober house. That being said, my grades did plummet.

They were not good. My first semester at the. It was it was all, um, you know, I got I had like a 1.56 GPA and.

From there. I've. I've worked to boost that as much as I can. But, um, you know, LMU made it very clear

that, like. I didn't like this at all, that the odds were stacked against me. Mhm. Because of my diagnosis. Mhm. Um, and because of the the substance abuse that, you know, uh, that had that

had stemmed from it. Um, and I felt like that wasn't as supportive as I could have asked for. Um, and I also I'm also a very defiant person.

So when I heard that, I was like, yeah, no, I'm just gonna move back on campus. So like halfway through the semester, I was like, nope, I'm getting out of sober House.

Going back on campus, we're going to do this the right way. You know, the the, I guess, quote unquote normal way. Mhm. Uh, but, yeah, I really just wanted that community around

me. I wanted to be with people my age. Yeah. And, um, you know, looking to do the same things that I wanted to do.

How was that made clear to you that the odds were against you? They literally said it. Yeah. My my case manager was like, chances are, if you

don't stay in the sober house, you're going to fail out again. And LMU's not going to give you another chance. Yeah.

So, um, again, obviously I took that sort of personally, and I, uh, I made the most of it, though. I mean, even with the the subpar grades, right? I was like, immediately put on academic probation, but I

didn't fail out. So. Mhm. Uh, you know, from there, I kind of just, like, clawed my way back up with my GPA. Um, and, yeah, I just, I just kept I kept

that momentum going even throughout Covid. Yeah. All of it. Yeah. I mean, okay.

Wow. So now we're at the we're at the end of the fall 2019 semester. We start spring.

You're in LA. Um. I was actually, um, visiting my, my parents in, uh, Massachusetts with my then, um, very new girlfriend. Mhm. Um, who

I had met in 2017 came back. Um, we kind of just we started dating and, um, you know, I wanted her to meet my parents and meet my family.

Of course. Ah, you know, all the way across the country. But she's from New York. Mhm. Uh, so it made sense.

She could see her mom, we could see my parents, you know, introduce her to my sister. All of that. So this is on spring break? This is, uh, winter break.

Okay. Winter break. Fall. Gotcha. Fall of 2019. Gotcha. Yeah. And, um.

Yes. So the summer I had stayed in LA. Mhm. Um, so I think so. Had she.

It's a little blurry now, but, um, I I had stayed in LA and then we went through the fall semester together. We even took classes together.

And then, um, winter came around. We were like, hey, why don't we just go back to the East Coast together, see our families? Um, so I was there when it started getting, uh,

kind of messy. Mhm. Right? Like just just the inkling, oh, like, there's this new virus, and, uh, what was it? Um, Wuhan, China. Mhm.

Like, they're just coming out with reports about it. Um, and then we had happened that spring break, 2020. We had happened to go back to Massachusetts again. Oh my gosh. And that's exactly when the pandemic hit.

And we were kind of like. We were shocked. And, you know, I remember this. When we were both like sobbing like, what is going to

happen? You know, also you know, new relationship. Mhm. Right? Like are we going to be, you know, in New York and in Massachusetts?

Is one of us going to be in LA, the other one in New York sort of thing. So, um, we ended up actually moving back to LA and moving into an apartment immediately when they kicked off,

kicked people off campus just around the corner from campus. Wow. And that's where we stayed confined together throughout the entire pandemic.

Okay. So tell me, walk me through this. Tell me about being, um, on the East Coast and getting the email that was like, LA's going on lockdown

and then the messages from LMU and how you came to the decision to come back to LA. Yeah. It was um, you know, it was partially like I,

I, I think it was the first of all, I think it was the right decision. Massachusetts was never really good for me. I still had like people I had run with, with

the drugs. And I was a, you know, for lack of better words, kind of a shithead when I was, you know, between the ages of 14 and 20.

Right. And basically all I did in Massachusetts was drugs and, and I had all these connections, everything. And it was still a little bit of a raw

spot for me. So I didn't want to be there. Um, and my parents had my, my stepmom and my dad hadn't moved to Florida yet. Mhm.

So it's kind of like what? You know, what do I do? Um, but my girlfriend, she, uh, she was, you know, we were thinking like, New York is the last, absolute last

place we want to be. I mean, that's that's populated as LA is. It's also large. It's not as confined.

And, you know, it's not Manhattan. Mhm. Um, so, you know, we kind of made myself, my girlfriend and uh my dad and my stepmom kind of made a collective decision of like, okay, it's probably going to

be best. All your stuff is in LA already. It's probably best that we move you on to into an apartment near campus.

Um, and when the time comes, right, we can move you back onto campus, or we can move you into a different apartment. Uh, but it's probably better that you're near campus.

Near school, in that environment where, you know, I had progressively been doing better and better. Mhm. So, um, that's that's what we did. It was a very it was a very emotional debate

also because I think my parents were very worried, um, about, you know, being in LA, not being near them. Mhm. All of that. Uh, I also have, um, asthma. Mhm.

And so, you know, getting Covid, they were worried uh I'm going to be put on a ventilator and it just spirals down to, you know, what had happened to so many people over the the course of the pandemic.

So we decided, uh, yeah, just move me and move us into an apartment. We moved to, um, Park West that you don't have to redact.

Um, and that's what LMU had suggested anyway, for like, off campus housing kind of stuff. Um, and so, yeah, that's that's how we came to that decision.

Were you worried? I was, uh, yeah, I so I had done despite like all the substance abuse and the, the kind of, um you know, just just being in, you know, I guess,

uh, enamored with that. Mhm. Just in in my high school years, I had also done very well for myself there. Um, you know, I after my first, my first time

in rehabilitation was when I was 14. Mhm. Um, and I came out of that and my stepmother was working at Boston University, and uh I had just gone to a new school.

All this I gotten really interested in math. Um, and so I started taking I also had been held back in eighth grade for a shattered ankle, which was actually the beginning of my substance abuse because of

all the medications they put me on. Um, but I started doing, uh, courses at Boston University during high school and at other colleges around the area because I wanted to graduate early.

Um, and just being in that environment, I had also been attracted to neuroscience and biology. Um, and I did internships there. All of this is to say, is that I had

a pretty solid background in biology. Mhm. And I had also gotten interested in virology and just knowing the very limited, not even undergraduate knowledge, but the stuff I'd cur I'd been curious about knowing what, you know, this could possibly become.

scared the shit out of me. Yeah. I, uh. You know, I had no idea. It's a respiratory disease.

I mean, some of the worst viruses that you can get attack the respiratory system. Mhm. Um, and, uh, it was, you know, it had just been it was kind of just like, uh, a bombshell.

I don't I don't know how else to to describe it. And I was worried as well, you know, being on my own again. Mhm. Uh, we're going to be confined to an apartment.

Um, I knew that was going to have to have to. I mean, obviously, they had made the announcements and everything. Mhm. But I knew that I wasn't I wasn't going to

be able to go outside without wearing two masks. Gloves. Um, if that if not, you know, just staying inside constantly.

Groceries delivered, Lysol wipes, all of it. So. Yeah, it scared the. It scared the hell out of me.

Yeah. Were you worried in any way about, um. About your like mental health during like like before lockdown, you were like, okay, what do I need to take?

What steps do I need to take to. Yeah. Protect myself? I was, um, I was that was another thing that really, I think was at the core of how, I mean, personally, how terrified I was. Yeah.

I was also I mean, the, the, you know, just the whole thing is terrifying because you don't know how bad this could be. Right. Right? You know, they're working on vaccines.

They're trying to do the best they can to get them, um, you know, delivered across the country. But at the end of the day, it's a new virus.

No one has really any good clue about what it could do in the short term, let alone the long term. Right?

And so I, um, I but going back to the, the personally. Yeah, I was, I was terrified that like, you know, being confined in an apartment I mean that's, that's the

environment that I, you know, uh, use substances. And I would just lock myself in my room and just do drugs all day. And I was worried that being back in that

sort of environment was going to push me there again. Yeah. Um, I, you know, I also, uh, with the bipolar, I suffer from very deep depressions and also mania. Mhm.

And so I didn't know how that was going to was, was I going to slip into a depression, not be able to get out of bed for, you know, days on end or, you know, just get up and

go to the bathroom or whatever. Mhm. But besides that, be and be in bed, be sluggish. Be. Yeah. Uh, depressed.

But I was also worried that. Well, what if I spiral into a manic episode and now I'm confined in an apartment with someone I care about as well, which in the past has not has

not been had great results. Right? So, um, I was I was very worried about that. But actually, um, I didn't find that it it really.

You know. I guess it did. It did it didn't hit my mental health pretty hard, but not as hard as I thought it was going to.

Um, I was mostly, uh, anxious and paranoid. Not manic or depressed necessarily. I mean, there were points. Yeah. But that's just how it's, you know, bipolar fluctuates. Mhm.

So I was expecting that, um, and I was anticipating it being worse. Mhm. But it was actually not as bad as I had. I had thought so.

Awesome. Um, okay, so you two are locked down at Park West. You're getting groceries delivered. Yeah. Your life selling everything and you are

masking. Yeah. So, um, are there any other precautions? Are there any.

Did you all establish any? Did you pod up? Did you start baking bread? Uh, no. Were there any other things.

I mean, I mean, we kind of. We just locked ourselves in there. Um. And my what what I my, like, coping mechanism for

being locked into in the apartment was just school. Mhm. It was just, you know. Focus on what I can focus on. And don't, um, you know, don't worry about anything else. Mhm.

Uh, the rest of the world is going to keep turning, and things will happen as they happen. There's nothing I can do about it. Best I can do is just keep, you know, progressing

as as much as I can. I had worked really hard thus far, so I decided that, um, just basically strapping myself to my desk and working, you know, we'd wake up at 8 a.m., I

probably I wouldn't stop working to, like, 10 p.m., uh, for mostly, mostly for, um. You know, just for the psychological effect of like, not having to worry about what's on the news or what's. Mhm.

um, what's on Reddit or Instagram or any of that. And also, you know, this is this is 2020, you know, the election was coming up and. Yeah, that was um, that was a big one as

well. So I just kind of, you know, uh, just kind of shut it all out, uh, put myself fully into. Mhm. Into school.

So would you. I don't have. I don't want to offer an adjective. But.

Um, how would you, like, characterize the effect that that pandemic, um, concentration had on your college experience, right? Well, you know, it's it's funny, like, I, I hear a lot of people, you know, say, like, my my GPA

fell and like, Mhm. Uh, and all of this, and, you know, it was. And I completely understand how and fully comprehend how that that could happen for me because I had already been committed

to this, like, all right, we're going to keep going. You know, we're going to push. Um, I actually, uh, you know, my my grades were great.

I, I would I still kept up. I'd been getting better and better grades every semester. But, um, really, what it was, is like, I think the trauma of the whole experience.

I. It it feels like. It feels like it's more distant than high school. Mhm. Right? I can remember high school far more clearly than I

can remember most of the pandemic. I also like being confined in an apartment like we also just smoked the year away. We were like, there's, you know what?

What else are we going to do? We're stuck in the house. Mhm. Right? So we, you know, it would it would even with the pushing and and trying really hard at at that point.

Um. Yeah. At that point I like we had been smoking 2020 away.

And then, you know, as, as the pandemic kind of settled down, so did the, the, uh, marijuana be. Mhm. So, um. I don't know.

It's it's a really it was it was a very weird effect. It was like living in the twilight zone. I don't know what had happened in 2019, but. I it just it doesn't it didn't feel like reality. Mhm.

It felt like, um. I I don't. I. Again, it felt like a fever dream. Mhm. I think I guess that's the. Mhm. Best way to describe

it. Um. You know, we we did our best to to keep with the CDC guidelines.

And as soon as like the Johnson and Johnson vaccine came out, I think was that 2020, I forget exactly when that was. But like, I, um, my, my dad was like, you

have to go get this vaccine. Mhm. Now. Like, doesn't matter what it is. Moderna, whatever. We don't care. Mhm.

Like go get it as soon as possible, I think I think that might have been spring 21. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's again see is like.

I don't remember when your age group was eligible. But I got mine March 1st, 2021. Yeah I um, I also so my dad I mean, I don't know if this is necessarily okay, but I

don't it doesn't matter now, uh, my dad had someone who knew someone who worked at Kaiser Permanente. Mhm. And he was like, hey, my son has asthma. Mhm. Um, we're really worried, you know, if he catches this,

he's he's screwed. Mhm. So they got me in, uh, and, and my girlfriend and, uh, very early on, and uh we both got Johnson and Johnson and just, uh, you know, from there, it

was like. It was uh. That was a sigh of relief for me, even though I.

I took the vaccine, my girlfriend was fine. She, like, had a light fever, you know. Mhm. And like, oh, you know, maybe rest a little bit. I was bedridden, I could not I I would try and

get out of bed. It reminded me actually of withdrawal. I. Mhm. I tried to get out of bed and I was shaking.

I, you know, my I had a fever of like 101.5. Like I was worried like, oh, maybe, maybe this is going to go south. Mhm. Real, real quick.

But uh, now after like a day, I was, I was perfectly fine. And then that sigh of relief came of like, okay, I had a good immune response.

At least it was aggressive. Mhm. Right? That means body's fighting it off, um, getting acclimated to it. So I, I, uh, I was I was just glad

that, you know, I had that defense up now. Yeah. Um, but, yeah, it was, uh. I it feels shuffled around. Mhm.

It's like time wasn't even a thing anymore. It was just, uh, some sort of being suspended in limbo. Mhm. For a while. Mhm. Um, we've been talking for a while.

Do you want to take a break? I'm I'm all ready to keep going, if you are. Yeah. Okay.

Um, okay. How do you feel about LMU's response to the pandemic? Um. And you can.

Anything that stands out to you. How honest can I be about this? As honest as you like. I was.

As honest as I want? Fantastic. It was shit. It was terrible. Include. Yeah.

Feel free to expand. Yeah, I, um. I. So really.

What what I love about LMU, um, is that, uh is. Or the professors, I think. As far as administratively it goes. It's it seems, at least to me, like a shit

show. And, um, I've always felt that way, even, you know, back in 2019, when I was coming back, I was like, what is all of this?

Um, and I also don't think, you know, um, I don't think they have proper mental health services, things like that. And this is all this all compiles into what happens

when you have then a global pandemic. Mhm. Show up, right? Or even despite the global friend pandemic, the protests that were going on. Mhm. Um, January 6th riot. Mhm. All of this. Right.

Like these these do affect students and especially students because, you know, we're we're learning about the world and we're also seeing it. Mhm. Happen around us at the same time. And it's hard to not see some cognitive dissonance between

how we feel about what's going on and what we've learned, and how L LMU is teaching us this, and then how LMU responds to things like that. Mhm. Um, I think one of the um worst things I had

heard about the response, and this is this is secondhand information. I don't know how valid this is. Um, I, I had heard that they had slashed faculty

retirements and salary, and then the president got a, what, 20% raise, something like that on on something like an already $800,000 salary. And that that to me was like draw, that was that

was the line that was, uh, it was it disgusted me, frankly. And like, you know, beyond the more, uh, I guess I guess that's kind of tangential to the response, but

still has an effect on how students see LMU. Um. But like, you know, I just I don't know if they were ready and I think they should have been

ready. I think, um, you know, I've been to Student Psychological Services. I've also been in therapy for a decade.

And it's not the same. It's. It's like, um. You know, I think they the psychologists in there do

very good work, but it's it's just you have what I think we have like 6000 students, maybe less. I don't know, something like that. But you should have an entire building dedicated to psychological

services, not, you know, an annex off of the gym. Mhm. Right. Um, and so my, my main critiques are like. Okay.

What? You've got to not only keep up the appearance, which I guess they tried as much as they could do. But you've also got to actually do something.

And to me it felt like they were lacking in that respect. Um. Despite that, right?

Like they had to do CDC precautions. Right? They were kind of forced in that direction. Mhm. I don't know.

My knowing what I know now, I don't know if like given the option to whether they would have done that to me, it seems like it would have been they would have taken the more advantageous route of, oh,

we're going to release all CDC restrictions, come back to school. Right. Mhm. And, and just, you know, do what you need to

do whatever. Mhm. Right. Um. And uh that kind of that

That's disappointing for sure. I think even even the way they did it with I was I was frankly very surprised that they had come back as soon as they did.

Um, and then, you know, we, uh, we came back to classes, everyone started getting Covid. It wasn't, you know, it wasn't 1 or 2 people. It was four, five, six, seven in one class

at one time. And then you have to ask yourself, well, what am I paying for if I can't even be in the class and we're not taking the proper precautions, uh, or

enforcing them properly? Um, you know, there are things, despite my criticism, there are things LMU did well, I think, um, I think they did.

You know, it's difficult on such a, um, you know, it's a it's not a large campus, but it has a lot of students and it has a lot of buildings and it has a lot of a lot of

dorms, a lot of, you know, it's a lot of infrastructure to keep clean, to keep. Mhm. Um, the Covid precautions enforced. And I think like the, the, I think the best

thing that they did was like the alert response that like you'd get if someone got Covid, okay, you know, they alert the next, what, six people around you or whatever within a six foot area. Mhm.

I thought that was genius. And it it was great. Um. You know, I'm trying to.

I'm trying to think, uh. What else? Um, I think really, what the what what it comes down to is, like the professors did

amazing. Mhm. I mean, I know it's you guys are professors for a reason, right? You want to be in a classroom?

I want to be a professor at some point. And I know that, like doing mathematics tutoring. I tutor for the department here. You know, uh, being in a classroom is entirely different

from, like, doing a zoom meeting with someone. And, um, I think you guys did fantastic with what you were given and with what LMU took away. Mhm. As well with the, um, benefits and and all of this,

which. Yeah, I, uh, that that makes me, uh, uh, particularly angry. I, I it's the only thing that really I love

about this school is are my professors and, and, uh, um, the way they really care about their students and like, even even then, like the response there. Mhm. With professors just like, oh, if you have Covid, like, don't worry

about it. We'll figure it out. Mhm. Kind of being, um, being flexible as much as possible. I mean, it was that was just fantastic.

So kudos to you guys. I'm so glad you had so many positive experiences with your professors. Oh, yeah. I've heard from other students that.

Not everybody. Oh, no. Absolutely not. I mean, I've I've heard it myself. Yeah.

It's it comes up in tutoring a lot. Um, what about. And I don't think I included this, but, um, what about DSS?

Did you have a relationship with DSS before? During after the pandemic? Um. I mean, I know we're still in the pandemic.

Yeah. I, um, you know, part of, like. I kind of don't. I I don't even like contact DSS for the most part.

I mean, I had a like before, I had a case manager in like 2019 and all this, but like soon enough I was like, yeah, I don't I don't feel like I need this anymore.

Um, another thing is like, I, I had just pushed myself so hard and I had built, you know, up the, I guess the, the confidence in my academics and all this that like, I just ended up, you know,

dropping out of the, um, DSS accommodations because. I don't know I. Part of me is like, I'm, you know, I'm so enthralled with academics again, it's like the only thing I

do, um, and I feel like being that into it and being that passionate about it, I don't want to have to. I don't know if it feels like an unfair advantage

or. Mhm. Or, uh, you know, now that I'm on solid ground, it does kind of feel that way. Mhm. On the other hand, as well, um, it's a pain in the ass, you know, I, I like why do

I have to, you know, re-up on all my accommodations every single year? My disability hasn't changed. Mhm. I'm not.

You know, it's not one year I suffer from bipolar, the next year, I don't, you know, I, I just know, I don't understand that. Or one semester.

Right? Right. You have to do it every semester. That is horribly especially for like I'm part of the bipolar as well as like I'm a I'm obsessive.

And so like, it's hard for me to take away from. And having a schedule is absolutely key for me. Structure I I is a necessity. Mhm.

And even just small things, you know, like if I have to get an oil change, I'm pissed off and I I start kind of not spiraling. Mhm. But it does.

It impacts my mental health in a very, um. And, you know, a pointed way, right? And knocks me off kilter. And then it feels like a struggle to get back

on the rest of my day. Mhm. And like having to do something like accommodations every semester despite, you know, whether it's a mental health disability or a physical disability or, uh, anything else is difficult. Mhm.

It's difficult to it's also difficult to, you know, be reminded every semester like, hey, this is what you need to do to, to, uh, you know, work with again, that framework, uh, whether whether it's psychological or physical. Mhm.

Um, so, no, I, uh, I I kind of dropped that as soon as I felt like I was comfortable, too. I I think that's another thing that LMU really needs to work on.

Like, I, I, I don't understand it at all. Um. Yeah. Yeah. So, no, I didn't really have a relationship with them.

Yeah. Um, okay. I have, like, two more questions. Yeah. And I gave you this question, but I'm going to phrase it differently.

Yeah. Which is that since the lockdown in higher ed, there has been like a a huge explosion of conversations about accessibility. Yeah.

Everyone talks about accessibility now in higher education. And I wonder if in your perspective, um, has that increased awareness of accessibility and disability, has it like changed things at LMU since we've been back in person?

Um. I, you know, look what, what I, I really enjoy for, um, in terms of accessibility, like the one thing I know, zoom was absolutely terrible when it was all

we had, but now that we can be back in the classroom and having zoom as well, like, I think that is something we should just keep up. Mhm. Just record every lecture, record every, because that is that is accessibility

there for for students who again psychological physical can't make it to class one day. Mhm. Right. That's something that I think is a necessity for me.

I know I take advantage of if I can't make it to class, which again, schedule structures very important. So that usually doesn't happen. But if for some reason it does happen, there's an

emergency. Um, you know, I, I somehow, uh, even even in depressions, I keep up my schedule for the most part. But, you know, if if something gets in the way that

I know that's there for me. Right? And and that makes me feel a lot more comfortable now, I also understand the flip side of that is,

then nobody will come to class, they'll just watch recorded lectures and do whatever they need to do. But, you know, we're all adults. I think if you're going to make that decision, make

that decision, but inevitably comes consequences with it. Being watching a recorded lecture is not the same thing as being in a classroom. Mhm. Um, and I think it's more and less important for

different, uh, concentrations. Right. Like if you're a computer science major, you know, recorded lectures might, might actually just be what you need.

That's it. Mhm. You know, we're not really interacting in class too much. We're all on our laptops anyway. Mhm. Uh, if you're a philosophy major, that's a whole different

thing, because the whole the whole point is to have the conversations, ask questions, um, contemplate, reflect all of that. Mhm. So, um, that I think is, is crucial. I think they should keep that up forever.

In terms of uh other, I guess, modes and routes of accessibility, I haven't seen much change, if you want me to be honest. Like, you know, of course it's a conversation, but it

seems like a almost a deadpan conversation, at least from my perspective. I don't, I don't know, um, I haven't seen even just on campus, like changes and accessibility insofar as, you

know, people with physical disabilities, psychological like, again, psychological services. Mhm. if you want to make school as a whole more accessible than make good mental health, hell, you know, being psychologically healthy, more accessible.

I know in SPS they're swamped constantly. And the fact that they're building a new volleyball court and not putting money into SPS, another thing that, you know, really pisses me off.

There are things on this campus that they could be doing to really improve the lives of their students, and instead they choose to do whatever looks best, right? Um.

So. Yeah, I don't, um. I don't know how I feel about really about that question as a whole.

I know there are certain parts of it I can comment on. Other parts I can't. That's perfect.

Um, okay. Last question. What is one thing you hope people of the future learn from this?

And this can be anything. Um. Man. This interview, this moment. Right.

Anything. Well, I think, um. Don't underestimate students. Mhm. Right? I think I think also students did an incredible job

during the pandemic and um, over not just the pandemic but all the political uh discord and, and um. You know, just an an evolving. And what seems like actually really what seems like devolving

society, right? You know, we we still come to class, we still try our best, um, despite the impact on, you know, our psychology, our, um, our families.

Right. Um. And I think, uh. I think that's, that's I I think also, you know, the

only thing that makes a university are professors, right? If you don't have faculty members, you don't have a university. You have just bureaucrats. Mhm.

That's about it. Um, and so, you know, you you got to support you got to support professors, you got to support students, and you have to support them in every area.

Um, I think if if, uh, LMU had done that from the start. Uh, from. You know, even years before the, the pandemic, I think

we wouldn't have had maybe as rough of a time with the pandemic, with transitioning back with, um, things like accessibility and, um. You know, I just, I I think

continual improvement and not just surface level improvement, but really deep. Fundamental improvement is what would make LMU. Um, you know, a much better, healthier, happier place for

students, faculty and administrators all together. Um. You know, I think I think takeaway is just. We need to.

We need to keep striving for that. Mhm. And not just put up a face, despite how easy it is to do that. And, um, we do that personally, right?

Like, uh, you know, we need to we need to really dig deep and kind of, um, weed out the, the issues that we suffer from on this campus. Mhm. You know, um.

And and really support everyone as a whole. Yeah. What does that improvement look like? I think I think to me right.

It's it's stop. Stop. It seems to me that, like LMU does a lot of again. Mhm. Not to repeat it over and over

again, but it's a lot of surface level. I see what you. You know, what is a great analogy for this? The LMU website, you go on the front page of that website and it looks like Microsoft built it.

Right. It's beautiful. It's it has it's it's, you know, incredibly, um, easy to read, easy to navigate.

And then the second you click on prowl, it looks like someone built it in HTML in 1999. And I'm. I'm.

It confuses me. I I'm. You have an entire computer science department with an incredible lab, an incredible faculty, incredible students.

And it looks like that they are outsourcing this to the cheapest possible person. And to me, that's a great analogy for how I feel about, you know, the how LMU operates as a

whole, at least in in my experience. You know, you might know more about this than I, but. Uh, seems very surface level volleyball courts.

Like, who even do we even have a volleyball team? I have no idea. Yes, I think so. I I mean, I would really, really hope so if they're building that, but like, you know.

And why is it that like and it seems, uh, the funding for different departments is like, it's disparate. Right. Like we have a $1.2 billion biology building and then

mathematics gets a a little corner in UHall but it’s like, come on, we need to it should be holistic. It should be not improving how the school looks but how it functions.

And, um. You know, that's I think that's a thing that it's not it's not a one one time act. Mhm. Right.

It's a continual progression of. Okay looking away from whatever's going to draw donors, whatever's going to draw in students, and then then have them, you know, possibly disappointed. Mhm. when they get here.

It's it's drawing, going, moving away from that and moving towards looking at how the school actually functions from behind the scenes, from the administrative side to the ground level with between students, students and faculty, faculty and faculty.

Um. It means, you know, it means funding psychological services for everyone. It means, um, you know, really understanding and and trying

to get down to the bottom of what accessibility means. Because to me, it seems like they throw it around like an empty word. Um.

And just. Yeah, it's just an a holistic improvement of the entire way that school functions. So that's what I would like people to take away

from this. Um. Is there any other thing that you're thinking you would talk about that didn't come up?

Uh, I'll just I'll just end with the fact that, like, as as critical as I am about LMU because I am fairly critical about it. Um, you know, it's it's given me a lot and,

um, it's it's, you know, they and I know that they, they do the best that they can and they, they try. Um, I think maybe their priorities aren't exactly straight, but

it's, you know, it's given me, at least on the administrative side. Right. The.

I've. I've, um. You know, I've never. I've never been someone who's completely like.

I don't know, thrives in in social situations or really in any situation that involves another person. Um, but like, I've never felt more comfortable than being with the professors here.

And, you know, the students who love the same thing as me. And I think they should capitalize on that. Mhm. I think in a lot of ways they do capitalize

on building community, um, trying to especially like student organizations. We have so many of them. And I think I was in like a meeting last semester early on about, um, I've run I run the

I'm the president of the student society for Industrial and Applied Mathematics. Mhm. Chapter here. So I had to go to this, you know, bureaucratic like, okay, this is how it works kind of thing.

But I guess something like 60% of our students are involved in the organization. Like that's incredible. Um, and I think they, you know, these are these

are things that LMU does. well, there are obviously things LMU doesn't do so well. And we should recognize both of them, acknowledge them, and try and, you know, improve both of them.

How can we make the things that LMU do does well, better? And how can we resolve the issues that LMU might, you know, have internally or even externally?

Uh, you know, that's that that's it. I, I'm only being critical because I want want it to be better for everybody else. Yeah.

Amazing. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I appreciate it.

This is an important project I'd like I when I got the email, I was really excited about it because I think it's it is really important and. Not just for students with disabilities, but for every student. Mhm.

to tell their story from their perspective, from their identity. Yeah. Um, and I I really appreciate you for for starting initiating this project.

I'm so glad. I think it's going to be really valuable. Oh, absolutely. Really cool.